I don't think I've ever gotten over my first love

I was recently contacted by my ex boyfriend.....Well, may boyfriend is not enough to describe what he was. He was my first love, the boy I gave my virginity to, the guy that I dated all through high school and into college, the man who put an engagement ring on my finger on my 18th birthday. See, he is so much more than just and ex boyfriend.

Any way, in the first real conversation (via email) that we have had in probably 12 years he just put all his cards on table and decided to let me know just how he still feels about me. He told me that he loves his wife but not quite like he still loves me. This was extremely flattering to me as I have thought that he felt quite the opposite about me.

I actually saw him recently when his father died, I went to the funeral home to pay my respects, I was a part of his family for almost 5 years. I was very nervous because through horrible bouts of depression and laziness I have gained about 140 pounds since we broke up. Yesterday he told me that he still thought I was beautiful even with the extra weight. WOW!.....What an ego booster that was. My dear hubby tells me these things all the time and I believe that he really feels that way, but to hear this from someone whose heart you broke, who never got over you is TOTALLY different.

My point in all of this is that I am very happily married with a beautiful baby boy. So why do I still have such strong feelings for the ex???? I understand all the first love and all that, but is it really ok to have these feelings deep down and still be totally in love with my husband? I would never leave hubby for the ex, that is just not even thought or an option. I just seem to have this weird romantic fantasy about us being old and dumped or widowed and being able to start all over.

Oh well, I just really needed to say that.